@dreamsofparadise at

a light flickers
twinkling with
expectation, hopeful
someone is watching
but it’s only me
you slide over
I sit,
knowing life is
living colors
gnash and bellow
until the world
is a shade of yellow
I am a pale green
my thoughts
render something

You fucked me..(over)

My phone was the route it because I know the writing on the screen is Changed From what it actually is for my dear

Actually is for my view. I don’t know if this is rooted, or has something to do layering, idk. Even be modified HTML for as much as I know, it could be as referred to as running scripts.. but I know if it’s something, Inherently I know it’s evil and wrong and on my phone it just doesn’t belong.

I first notice a malicious presence on my phone, Actually sad to say, a few years ago. I tried to look it up but not knowing analytics or computer jargon, I was completely unsuccessful. I know I knew even now less than I know now that I know certain type of feelings but keep of my alarms when I was on my phone. I Noticed all The posts on social media seem geared towards insulting me and hurting me in someway and it did it all talked about exact events in my day, sometimes .. creepily.. it was verbatim.

How can a page as big as Twitter, Have every single member having these conversations about me? So at first I thought it was Paramoisa and swiftly approaching insanity .. I just might be crazy, I reasoned with myself, Even making up a three-step plan in my head to get medicine, to see a professional, Overcome it and move on to the best of my ability as a crazy person. I wasn’t crazy soon people begin to show up that I just met that when I would leave the room they were still all of my chargers for my cell phone we talk about something in that exact instance would be on Instagram the next time I went to check. It was disturbing and perturbing. As Time went on it became enraging. I fell I was missing phone calls from very important people and job opportunities and I felt my view of St. Louis highly soon soon and that I wasn’t seeing the real Internet. It’s scary now to think of how accurate my predictions were back then without even knowledge of programs existing that would do those things..

Continue reading “What is Springboard?”

What is Springboard?

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John Ballen, Even

 For a while I  have been quietly ridiculing myself… with my heart pumping in my ears ,in a state of total and  tumultuous trepidation...  It became Abundantly apparent to me that clearly it was obvious that I was A) either going crazy and needed to go get stabilized on some Screwy Louie pills... That would be so easy right? And you dont even  have to wear the crazy hat very often . God knows what abundance of hats I have a top my head now or for how long... Or b.. against all rationality and every probable situation.. something sinister of unknown origin or proportion was happening..m
But there's something to be said for a gut feeling, for a woman's intuition, and for senses of foreboding and danger, for primitive premonitions tht echo throughout your mind all day long just as solid and certain as memories... Not something you question if it is so, but rather.. something you know for certain is so ..without doubt. All these feelings become recurring nightmares that plague you all day long, that caused you to cast doubt and uncertainty upon everyone and everything in seemingly every context... Beginning with yourself and you may have continued upon that course of thinking we're not for the scores of people ( remarking near you, tweeting, or talking out of context about it near you ) suggesting that there's just simply something wrong with your mind and everyone knew it but you,, the sarcastic remarks by people you can't believe that you believed were a friend and the jappy little tweets that littered your entire timeline in fact suggest that you are a big public joke, how crazy , how crazy grotesque and generally unlovable and unfavorable you were , just an all-around garbage can of negative human and then here you are just starting to realize this I mean like oh my God.. but nope not true not even for a second.. but believe me I would have much preferred option number one that I was just a little mentally unstable and imagining things .. because realizing that you are friendless and unable to communicate with anybody and in any real position in the world and are essentially a monkey in a cage, providing non-stop entertainment from the endless amount of experiments and schemas you are constantly cycled through, series of sinister and stupid dramas unfolding around you at all times, concerendipitous scenarios being acted out by one or more idiots at various intervals redundantly making use of what you have come to recognize as "key terms " referring to "you "and "the situation". For the stupid part of it all is as much as they make fun of you and discredit you and dislike you, they still need you and hate it , because they are unable to generate any brokers you are you still generate more money then they can and they depend upon this sort of Auto generation from your dumbass weather aplicación given or scammed .. in order to fund their various yumunm wZhen dealing with you instead of a pleasant conversation they will be making blatant references to stains and key terms and will take what you give them as well as what you do not when they leave to go get something you probably forgot , give me different Walk of Life you are always nice to these people and thought you had befriended them but it turns out you were just mostly their only hustle,Welcome to my world I'm not crazy or not a monkey and I'm also not a crazy monkey. Haha. I also don't have one person wfc cca hom I can trust or whom is friend, I haven’t had one genuine person in my life in I can say with confidence.. years . But why why would I be targeted ,, I was a good person who helped people! There’s an operative to every situation and behind an operative lies motive? And the Weasley hiding behind the curtain remind me of the Wizard of Oz psychotic bastard Who is behind it, or in this case unfortunately the whole team of collaborators behind it, the whole team of paid actors and collaborators behind

Now if you read any of the above descriptions by Google or Gmail on its G suite or Google workspace service, you will read how the similar emails will cause problems.. I posted some of those the other day for you I’ll put some more tomorrow but you can Magine my mindset and how it was going by then yes.. 

but they are using it

I’m seeing red (no pun intended)

Hacked Impossibly

I have been hacked forever and possibly. I can’t remember a time, in fact.. in which I wasn’t.. I mean this has been going on years. The text and emails I received are off to harassing in nature and demeaning to say the least. They often involve or implicate me and things that are nefarious at least and often illegal. Most times such as in this case now I don’t even see the text as I received them because they come across on a form of communication that I did not yet have or know about… Or sometimes I’m speaking to someone and have a random normal conversation but when I check the app back later the conversation will have actually changed and took on a darker nature and the words will actually be changed to different ones which were not in the conversation. Again these things will implicate me in things that are scary or I just would have no involvement in to begin with. These are a series of texts I found on my device today which were sent in Google workspace back in August of last year, I did not respond as you can see as I didn’t even know that I had a Google workspace. And now that I see it it’s a service that you got to pay for every month and you get a business email address of which I don’t have nor have any access to or any idea what it is… I’m getting very frustrated with this can anybody help!??¿

I am editing videos and employing a neon filter (stress on the word filter to make fun of my funners!!)

I was able to see a whole different video interface within the one that I THOUGHT was the only one, do you follow? Breaker one Nine ? Excuse me because I’m ‘voice to texting so my punctuation is bound to be off kilter. However, might I add ….it is working exceptionally fantastic right now… usually it misspells any two to three letter word that I typed to somebody; this anybody receiving a text from me thinks that I am in possession of IQ similar to that of a dog turd! Ha! And I right now I’m also adding video to my WordPress site ( this is a WordPress site, right? ) And if memory serves me correctly I have not paid for the premium or business WordPress so the fact that I’m able to upload video now as me pretty impressed! Truly miracles never cease around here!

Numbered Days

Um,, dream a little dream of me


Wow, I met this older gentleman the other night who was pretty cool. A former roomate of my friend Stephanie, he was similiar in circumstance and situation to MY roomate. I guess he must be lonely too, because he told me a story about something that had happened to him recently.

He had met a random woman somewhere like a convenient store and hearing of her hardships, invited her to his home. The actual visit itself was uneventful(or so it would seem) but upon her leave he noticed she had stolen a 100$ bill from his wallet… His only one to survive off of the rest of the month, and to make matters worse he had to move in a matter of days.…

WHEN HE MENTIONED this womans name I realised to my revolt and horror that I KNEW of that very same crazy woman. ONE THING IS FOR SURE SHE IS TOXIC AND NOXIOUS,,, she was the same woman I had heard about was approaching random people on the street, inquiring if they would “ beat me up” for money. I didnt know her, except that she was the new girlfriend of a former close friend of mine, whom i still visit frequently. I guess she does not approve.. fuck her, thieving, lying false faced fartsack! Other than that little story I would be embarrassed to say I knew a person of such bestial tendencies possessing such low standards and zero respect for our former men in service…. just an unpleasant coincidence… i hope karma is as much a bitch to her as she was to me and the lonely vet victim……….

This blog UI is pissing me off it says that there are no songs there to be uploaded and nor will it let me upload any but then the insert button is all good up and just begging to be touched as if there is something there yeah so I touch it I give into it to yearnings and see this song appear.. guess the media list wasnt as empty as it portrayed.. you can’t even believe what you see and see and it’s not believing in my case seeing is more bullshit ass deceiving.. think my devices are tooted and rooted with this hacking nightmare im somehow living through, or in despite of…. look for me.. and tell me when you see me in case I don’t know I’m wherever I’m at ha ha

I’d rather lose a lover than to love a loser…

Think I put it on you like the Kama sutra

Think I’m under your spell

Tell me is it me or the drugs cuz I can’t tell

How do you want me?

I love Meg Mayer song , “ monster” . I feel like I’m a monster, I feel that is perfectly to a situation Oh Sarah relevance in my life one of great catastrophe and pain that in the end I probably will never know the truth about And never get any resolve or answers. And fortunately it was the first time I’ve ever been extremely loyal open and giving in a relationship and what I got in return is not what I deserve nor expected.But I can’t say that when I looked deep within my mind from the very beginning I always knew how it would end. Still a bitter pill to swallow it still makes my face burn red and my heart blood boil/ Especially since it’s not going and there’s not a day go by they don’t find out more horrific lies that I was told or get fed her if you guys buy some stock or who’s in personating or something I hear everything under the sun except one thing I hear nothing from there the person of her we’re speaking about nothing but silence and I would rather hear a fist coming at my face then his silence..There is nothing more brutal, Callous, or descriptive portraying one’s feelings and thoughts upon you nothing silence says so much without saying anything at all. Cuts down on the confusion in the illusions and the disillusionment I thinking something was it wasn’t and I just don’t get why she’s clearly as a very good looking catch he was no he wasn’t big fish but I’m not sure of a time back either just joking and being sarcastic and blunt which if it’s any indication of how I feel and you can see I was still very disgruntled yes disgruntled is the word for the day please try to drop the comment using the word disgruntled

Con Tigo

I'm somewhere between never and now until I find a savior

I'm somewhere between never and now until I find a savior

Today, I saw a car crash.
I heard the crunching metal.
The the cracks from the tree.
It was so loud, I felt it in my chest.
I watched the metal fold as easy as a piece of paper.
It was such an awful sound.
I for sure thought the person was dead.

It reminded me of when I hear someone say your name.


For a long time it made me collapse & choke

knowing I was little more to U then a stupid joke

I was so in love

you didnt even have to conspire

which was o.k.

U were too impatient to be a good liar

Still hate the ones you used to hire

now im wondering what fueled my fire

somethings never change

cuz you were someone else

almost as much as u were urself

I guess I myself must be pretty strange

or u probably could say mentally derranged

But at least my name & # stay the same

my feelings were true @ didnt change

But my happiness quickly coursed down the drain

I was glad when a seething anger finally began to quiet the pain

the schemes , lies & plans

if only you coulda been a simple man

i wish it was easy for me to understand

why I became the butt of your jokes

as you killed my dreams & dashed my hopes

& how you came to mean so much to me

when i was quite simply way out of your league

& all the online madness has me fatigued.

I just wish I hadnt worn my heart on my sleeve

because my psyche always told me you would leave

in fact you left years before i thought you did

i fucking cant believe u did this

now im filled with wrath & vengeance

every fake situation u put me through

fuck you forget you fucking hate you

but first quench my thirst to see u hurt

maybe on your knees lying in the dirt

cuz i guess now u will have to work




cash cow u stupid jerk

the idea of it kinda hurts

but oh how u laughed when it was reversed

and now a seminitic scheme has turned my life into a curse

as I sit and write you this stupid verse….


Read the memoir
Of a one-person band
An empty choir
Suffer my nostalgia
Or enjoy my sufferings
Don’t worry
We don’t owe
Each other anything
You and I
We are even
To the end of time
From the very beginning

Moon in her sky of bitter diamonds

Bleed for the Devil

There’s a death cult

Out in those woods

Don’t bother taking

That crucifix tonight

When their evil ways

Get under your flesh

You will die painfully

Another lost dreamer

Forever fucked


someone hacked my shit and out crazy obsessive writing here

Whoever is hacking my site
thats shits nor right
everything done in darkness comes to light

.In the morning when I wake up, just sometimes…. I wish I hadn’t

Big fan of this guy I love his story format and he’s a particular way of delivering his stories which is very comforting and hammering


Mr Ballen

Wow. Fuck. Dizzy Dizzy Dizzy. In a good way . Omg Hot. Something new to remember. Something to erase or gloss over old painful ones that nag and ache like a fractured tooth . You don’t want the pain , it’s really bothersome.. But if it’s the only thing you know and there is nothing to replace it, then you are cursed to keep it … then these painful memories linger and so you are doomed to repeat it . Now I release mine finally, so be it . When you are left unaware , you hide your pain surrounded by those who don’t care( the only ones there ) … you have nothing to protect your self with and everything to protect yourself from… because you were unloved and left unaware.. or you opened your eyes and realize he was never even there….he was just one of who didn’t care , but he wore a mask so real it lied and said ” I’ll be there .” Nothing would ever make him stay. and depressed you were left with the memories and the knowledge of the cowardice that let him walk away .. was what you stupidly mistook for love when it was only shades of lies blocking the way . Holding you back.. in fact unloved is a war .. a most brutal and savage attack. When it leaves be glad it’s gone back ( to whence it came) and never look back… nothing will be the same… Words will make sense., feelings will reciprocate and things won’t seem strange . No more weird lies n instances so wack … You want to be loved not played and attacked. Love is now misguided lust.. feeling so stupid for calling it that!

hello there check out my to hear the story I can’t post here …

Dizzy , Dizzy, Dizzy

  • (no title)
  • Aaron Will What?
    about:blank You can do that for yourself or if something happens when I go to the store I don’t have internet access anymore I can’t do anything but I’m just trying to figure out how to make it work lol I have a few monster problems to get caught up on and sort out in … Continue reading Aaron Will What?
  • Piggy
  • Effects EFEKT me
    Check out EFEKT on the app store! It’s the best video editing app ever.
  • (no title) F
  • Head Games
    Instead of making love we play head games and I can’t take it anymore My life is pockets of sorrow slapping against and aggravating one another . Tomorrow will only hold the promise of new ways to torture me I’ve yet undiscovered . First only a little lie and then another and another .. spiraling … Continue reading Head Games
  • (no title)
    𝓘 𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓱𝓽 𝓪𝓫𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓴𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓪𝓫𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝓲𝓽; 𝓫𝓾𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓱𝓽 𝓫𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓸𝓯 𝓲𝓽. 𝓘 𝓯𝓲𝓰𝓾𝓻𝓮𝓭 𝓘𝓭 𝓮𝓲𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻 𝓭𝓸 𝓲𝓽 𝓼𝓹𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓪𝓷𝓮𝓸𝓾𝓼𝓵𝔂 𝓸𝓻 𝓯𝓸𝓻𝓰𝓮𝓽 𝓪𝓫𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝓲𝓽.. 𝓑𝓾𝓽 𝓲 𝔀𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓭𝔀𝓮𝓵𝓵 𝓸𝓷 𝓲𝓽 ,, 𝓽𝓸 𝓱𝓮𝓵𝓵 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓲𝓽. 𝓢𝓸 𝓶𝓪𝓷𝔂 𝓽𝓲𝓶𝓮𝓼 𝔀𝓮 𝓹𝓸𝓲𝓼𝓸𝓷 𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓸𝔀𝓷 𝓫𝓮𝔀𝓲𝓵𝓭𝓮𝓻𝓮𝓭 𝓶𝓲𝓷𝓭𝓼. 𝓟𝓮𝓪𝓬𝓮 𝓸𝓯 𝓶𝓲𝓷𝓭 𝓲𝓼 𝓱𝓪𝓻𝓭 𝓽𝓸 𝓯𝓲𝓷𝓭 . 𝓘𝓽𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 … Continue reading
  • South Side
    Today I have a lighter day.. still a lot of computer work to do (and no computer ) but I’m doing it house sitting today on the south side for my friend chuck ! His house is small, clean, comfy and quiet ! That’s most desireable to me right now! I wish people would quit … Continue reading South Side
  • Enemies
  • Alone Edgar Allen Poe
  • Meme
  • Feeling like a manipulated fool years TOO LATE
  • I always knew deep down
  • Read between the lies
    I’ve been fed lies for years. Fed lies, satiated off lies , drunk off lies. Swimming in lies, drowning in lies, eating them, fucking them. Sleeping with them, missing them, making plans with them. Donating money to them. I’ve spent two years waiting on a lie to come home. Unlike ET Lies no longer phone … Continue reading Read between the lies
  • (no title) Oh

Latest Posts

 People are always at play 
With what they do, who you are
What they say . And they will remain so
until you take their spoils away. Seize the night; conquer the day . Divide, plunder,tear asunder and take away . People aren’t always human, but they’re always at play . It’s up to you to walk away and ultimately it is you who holds the last words to say

Constant Sorrow

Your blood tastes bitter 
Not as I remember 
As I drop the knife in the centre 
Of the vacancy you occupied in my mind 
The surprise in your eyes
Shed of their lies 
Shattered your disguise .
I wanted to laugh as you died 
But I only cried 
Knowing it was I 
had  been crucified 
Waiting with wicked want
 Survived on  legions of lies
Sensing the needless taunts
Eating me alive from the inside
Finally touched by another 
 Redeeming  return of sensual  shimmer 
No more will I suffer
Another  heinous winter 
A blind betrayed lover
No longer the one 
left behind 
Freed your phantom 
from my loyal mind
Electric I awoke 
Just one stroke 
Of his energetic hand 
Rekindled my fires 
Fed me desires
You wouldn’t begin to understand 
Stupid stupid me 
Forgot . Alone. 
Dreaming of a lush tree
I failed to remember 
Twas never nothing more
 than a sinister splinter


im just a trick

There are cemeteries that are lonely,
graves full of bones that do not make a sound,
the heart moving through a tunnel,
in it darkness, darkness, darkness,
like a shipwreck we die going into ourselves,
as though we were drowning inside our hearts,
as though we lived falling out of the skin into the soul.

And there are corpses,
feet made of cold and sticky clay,
death is inside the bones,
like a barking where there are no dogs,
coming out from bells somewhere, from graves somewhere,
growing in the damp air like tears of rain.

Sometimes I see alone
coffins under sail,
embarking with the pale dead, with women that have dead hair,
with bakers who are as white as angels,
and pensive young girls married to notary publics,
caskets sailing up the vertical river of the dead,
the river of dark purple,
moving upstream with sails filled out by the sound of death,
filled by the sound of death which is silence.

Death arrives among all that sound
like a shoe with no foot in it, like a suit with no man in it,
comes and knocks, using a ring with no stone in it, with no
finger in it,
comes and shouts with no mouth, with no tongue, with no
Nevertheless its steps can be heard
and its clothing makes a hushed sound, like a tree.

I'm not sure, I understand only a little, I can hardly see,
but it seems to me that its singing has the color of damp violets,
of violets that are at home in the earth,
because the face of death is green,
and the look death gives is green,
with the penetrating dampness of a violet leaf
and the somber color of embittered winter.

But death also goes through the world dressed as a broom,
lapping the floor, looking for dead bodies,
death is inside the broom,
the broom is the tongue of death looking for corpses,
it is the needle of death looking for thread.

Death is inside the folding cots:
it spends its life sleeping on the slow mattresses,
in the black blankets, and suddenly breathes out:
it blows out a mournful sound that swells the sheets,
and the beds go sailing toward a port
where death is waiting, dressed like an admiral.


Kristen Twardowski Jan 25, 2018

Though poetry can be full of light and laughter, it can also capture sorrow, pain, and the fragility of life. In the best cases, these dark poems give us catharsis. They verbalize the shattered mirror through which we occasionally catch glimpses of our world.

I can’t help but love poetry like this, and these dark months of winter have inspired me to share a few of my favorites. Below is a collection of full poems, excerpts, and poetry readings that walk in shadow. They contain darkness in all of its forms: grief, death, anxiety, rage, despair, loneliness, jealousy, doubt, heartbreak, and betrayal.

Though you probably shouldn’t read dark poems every day, sometimes they are exactly what you need.


There are cemeteries that are lonely,
graves full of bones that do not make a sound,
the heart moving through a tunnel,
in it darkness, darkness, darkness,
like a shipwreck we die going into ourselves,
as though we were drowning inside our hearts,
as though we lived falling out of the skin into the soul.

if only we could paint dice
to wait on the windowsill
Wait for a guest
Wait for a moment of your pride
or patience
And let it be
Dusty or kept

Choice of an arm
reaching as far as your hands can touch your face

Do you cry or rest

karina varielas
Perhaps if Death is kind, and there can be returning,
We will come back to earth some fragrant night,
And take these lanes to find the sea, and bending
Breathe the same honeysuckle, low and white.

We will come down at night to these resounding beaches
And the long gentle thunder of the sea,
Here for a single hour in the wide starlight
We shall be happy, for the dead are free.
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Entering slowly
on a quest for the prize
Planning my move
staring into your eyes
Steamy & sticky
poised on the perch
Raunchy & ready
going on a search
I have you kneeling
waiting for my command
sweetly submissive
pleasure on demand…”


Twitter Poem

Well I’ve been telling everyone for as long. As I can remember that I’m hacked. I’m not sure how. Or if I’m just super cerebrally stalked. But I’m pretty sure it’s both. I’m pretty sure who it is(nt) my thoughts on it and answers might surprise you.. not only is my view of http sites different from my devices but my laptop has several unknown devices installed on it constantly, plug n play software and has weird CC n personal info saved.. like that of my 76 y.o. Roommate whom never uses my computer nor I his info…… but things trigger on their own, apps are really other things and videos/photos are saved differently also im usually on some weird foreign date and time, Bluetooth n BBC WiFi are always turning on.. anytime u surprise lock the phone and unlock it.. the cam n video apps are open and running and also series of numbers and contacts can only text at certain times , etc and sone of them have taken on entirely new personalities( some viscious) take this single father/ construction worker I knew.. he was raising a daughter by himself… and remodeling his house.. he was a neat guy with houseplants, his dad was a cop. No sooner had I met him and (key element here) added him into my contacts. Did his demeanor change into that of a psychotic duschebag .. ensuring that I would not pop in to see him anymore.. thus revealing the secret. And further allowing the perpetrator to unleash an onslaught of typed terror and abuse at me undetected for awhile.. or so he thinks.. this is the text I received this morning T 6 am.. as you can tell by my horrified speech.. it is not nearly the first of such texts .. you know what I remember where this guy lives, I think I’ll go by his house and see what’s up.. my guess is it ISNT really him,. The real guy had a chiffarobe for Godssakes..and a little girl no psychotic stalking sociopath has one of those., much less knows what it is…or wants to do hateful things to women.. and just air this out quick n proper.. this is just one minute detail of the constant barrage of abuse and scandal I am under.. let alone violation of privacy, rights and time.. ….. NOT TO MENTION MY SITE I SPENT WEEKS WORKING ON CREATING TO TRY ABD RECOVER SOME OF THE INCOME IVE LOST IN THIS TERRIBLE DOWNHILL BATTLE OF BEING HATED N STALKED. No battle really.. clearly he has all the power and knows it and yields it hourly at his own warps discretion..

+1 (321) 243-0708

“””””Hey this is Ken again, I want to fuck skinny methhead while shes high, know anyone?””””””””

Notice the plus in front of the number, I don’t think it’s him or it’s right.. what is it a disguised what’s ap # or something? Help me! Tell me or offer your input!!
I responded this.. I’m long winded I know but I’m so tired of this nonstop bullshit.. the hacker had gotten brazen lately feeling his own nuts and disillusioned about the size and importance of them.. has really stepped it up a notch…


*******No one I wouldnt demean anyone though by referring to them with those particular terms/labels ….which are only used solely for that purpose.. putting someone down(or trying to)kinda gives away your purpose, huh? Lol

It’s so easy to put it delicately or conjure some taste to your appeal or request.. but to objectify and demean someone thru use of derogatory terms /narrative takes time, inclination and objectification and MALIGNANT INTENTIONS….. all of which I’ve no interest in and
almost CERTAINLY is aimed to insult the READER herself.. thereby getting/earning YOU a free jab in without the possibility of obtaining a positive answer from the target… u get to give an insult n keep ur $$ lol but you lose anyway.. super happy RN don’t care for anyone’s insults thoughts or money… just entirely DGAF to even take offense .. um , sorry? Maybe next time I’ll be down or something n u can achieve desired result.with ur carefully scripted insult.. . but have a nice day and be mindful of ur future texts… if u don’t want to be considered as the hacker or part of his little repertoire.. phones , interactions being investigated rn supposedly by osa… ****

the “jag off “ responded THIS as if to imply I was just a rambling metther myself.. which goes along with the theme of all random unknown texts lately .. the person wants me to think that’s how the world views me.. they really want to alter my self esteem and feelings if self and how I am portrayed to myself in my minds eye.. a real psychotic, woman hating sick fuck.. I hope he gets caught soon and I don’t encounter him somewhere with out his disguises.. always is trying to lure me out alone at night, offering large sums of money…. his response

+(321) 243-0708

$$$$$$$$Holy senseless ramblings. Take care, I just figured you might know some women that need to make some cash and have a particular habit, but hey, if you dont that’s fine. Take care, I’ll bother someone else next time.$$$$$$$


@@@@@@@@@@Yeah please do.. thought I’d previously made that clear last time you were texting me slurs and insults disguised as “job offers” lol DF WTF NO I don’t know women who sell drugs, like to be slapped treated badly and anally violated with brute force.. For or without cash you creep… nor do I know any self hating super high meth heads that are into self debasing.. not into that line of hate at all and never will know or associate with any psychopath who is ( knowingly)

PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR INPUT.. just trying to help someone out with some cash? Holy fuck and reacting with shock because I am angry and calling it rambling, as if he had a perfectly rational even helpful request?And hasn’t been bothering me with insulting , hideous texts even before this??? Lol I don’t need a comment to know that I’m right. But sure would appreciate it.. and all this from someone who’s been informed I’m hacked and harassed so wouldn’t be speaking to me in that manner, or just plain period.. what do u think??

IDFC. AT ALL (luv the song though)

myriad of me, multiply
Style, poise, so erotically
If you can see
My naked soul
Beneath my nudity
sad eternally

I am surrounded with macabre actors, whose faces are funny but not their lines. They act upon my stage, using up MY time. One day I will find a fleabomb big enough to return them to the nether regions of hell, from which they came…whispering my name whispering in vain. They are not friends, but bitter adversaries dependent on me for their dividends. I can’t wait for the sage to end, the curtain to close. Until it does all I have is what I know. I need a original copy of the script , from the psychophantic fool who dared to write it. Right now I’m less than delighted, a coma threatens to succumb but I must fight it. Sadness I must hide it. Don’t feed the hungry mouths that wait. Any intelligence I must hide it. Until I reach the other side of this insanity , and the early end of this profession. To vanquish the asshole’s access to me and kill the obsession of this deviant rectum. (Haha)But will you be there ( at your discretion) to hear my sensational confession. Or are you a poignant and painful lesson.? Can I learn a lesson from this ongoing, ridiculous, well…(hacking,stalking,theft,harassment) from “THIS” , perpetual petulant prolific pile of Hateful human waste aka ( dogSHIT) ? How I can’t wait to erase the disgrace that is your face from the minds and memories of those you debase. I must do it with precision and passion, not with hate or disgrace, I must do it in the hell did this nightmare ever begin to happen? Ah, well it’s never too late….For all good things come to those who wait. I’ve been waiting ( and on you) for a long time. Alone in the dark recesses of my mind. Your unheard voice echoes heedlessly in my eager ear, telling me what I want to hear but it only perpetuates my fears …fuck me And now it’s been years? It’s so dark and cold and it’s only me here, memories echoing , distorting the fear. Loyalty is mockable in this haunted land….where there is more falseness and deception than grains of sand. I want to sail to a distant land and lie under sacred towers and hold hands with someone who is not a conjured filament of my mind. Someone I lost along the way in this land of wasted time and deviated derelict minds. Will I surface with bursting lungs alone again, and still…after all this time…? Time is money but time definitely isn’t on your side, or even a remote friend of mine.

Hey there Miss Red Riding Hood, you sure are looking good. You’re everything a big bad wolf could want. What big eyes you have, the kind of got it eyes that drives wolves mad.. Whatcha doing out walking, in these big bad woods alone. ?

See the storm break in your eyes, feel the thorns twist in my I wait, without you . With or without you, I can’t live ….with or without you. and you give yourself away… slight of hand and twist of fate on a bed of nails he makes me wait…and I wait..without you…..


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I ride the night on the talons of tomorrow A thousand false faces dousing me in sorrow The high I ride a fire breathing dragon From whence we come no one can imagine. Where we go no one can fathom. Thousands of tiny bricklayers paving the way My feet skipped Wisely! Yesterday

You can’t believe anything you see
but what of the things that lurk you can’t..
If you have never, start believing now
because truly these things believe in you.
( you could even be their food, or dream come true)

Wild thought weave like wild flowers through your
Plagiarized mind
A prevanderer you search for solace when there’s none to find.
Babe, your problem is as unique as you, truly one of a kind
You’d better get rid of “ it” while there’s time

I ride the night on the talons of tomorrow
A thousand false faces dousing me in sorrow
The high I ride a fire breathing dragon
From whence we come no one can imagine.
Where we go no one can fathom.
Thousands of tiny bricklayers paving the way
My feet skipped Wisely! Yesterday

Please join my Onlyfans

Or make a one time pledge at my

Poems sporadically posted on Twitter

Please help me collect the funds to set my identity straight, hire the lawyers and fees it costs to file and get protection for future! Anything bless your soul!! Money pool recovery

The Extreme Premium Versions of These pics are at

Phone number for texting for Massage Appts

520 237 4947 must provide personal detail

Money Pool

Every evening at my house at probably 5 o’clock my 75-year-old roommate enjoys a few glasses of wine on the veranda. Which class he gets happier and buy the last glass he’s laughing and jovial and young again…..

I have so much poetry swirling impact my mind, yet my lips cannot pronounce it or my hands write it, it’s stuck there,inside.

Me this morning still wearing last night

Happy Hour at my House

I wake in a surprisingly good mood after a wonderful night of sleep. I mop the whole house with enthusiasm and the zeal of a housekeeper. I post on my new endeavors ( sites I could potentially earn money from) and begin piecing out some of my diminished bead collection… if I can’t buy earrings, I can make them. I’m feeling industrious.. hopeful.. we might even go so far as to say I have a bright outlook.

Then my 76 year old veteran roomate, whom I do home care for and pay his bills and other tasks for him , throws a conniption fit due to some questionable charges on his cc. I groan, remembering I last used it when paying a bill for him from MY phone.. how terribly stupid of me. Just because I’ve made police reports is no reason to assume the hacker/thief/stalker will quit his pillaging.. I had hoped. I really hoped with the optimism of a deft child that this was the end…

My roomate can say things intentionally that sting when he’s upset.., and afterwards I stood in my sanctuary( my bathroom how sad) trying unsuccessfully to staunch tears that were unending. They ended abruptly however, when my massage therapy client showed up.. I had let it slip from my snake slick mind… I was unprepared and dismal and don’t think it went as well as it could have.. and I cannot afford to lose one more source of incoming funds..

After this I attempted to rest , having lost all inclination to create anything. This is when my phone was besieged with an unbelievably large mass of texts from potential clients.. some pretending to fit the bill for awhile, some being vulgar and obtuse throughout the day or until I blocked them, and some taunting me ( though a complete stranger… right) outright, then offering me money , asking for my address or trying to get me to take a lyft to some far away destination to meet God knows what.. I assume it was to get me to waste all my money and become stranded.. as I also assume 89% of the prospective clients calling were the hacker/stalker fucker. I have never done a thing wrong to any living creature .. it is hard for me to imagine someone of this mentality. But with my stolen car never recovered. And my far distance from public transportation, and complete lack of friends or family.. this is what it must be for me. I would have never imAgined this years ago. My final say, “ LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES .. each one with a cat turd in the middle( with sprinkles of cat litter poking through the chocolate. Lol”

Sometimes I seriously wonder if something happened to me and I disappeared.. would there even be anyone to notice? Ugh!! I’m not complaining.. just being factual.. things need to change but I do not see how. And naturally I’m very Leary of people and their intentions now.

Now for the piece de resistance. I was shopping at Walmart and the anti theft French who has “detained “ me twice due to anonymous calls and found me not to be in possession of any unpaid for items( one time in fact they OWED me money) or any stolen credit cards (WTF?) and then released me without so much as a sorry.. ( I’ve never ever shoplifted anywhere nor do I look like a thief ) was waiting for me at the exit and informed me I was not allowed in the store. “ excuse me, why? You’re lucky I come here as it’s closest..” she says “ remember when I caught you” I cut her off, indignant and said “ I remember when you ignorantly accosted me due to an anonymous tip and wasted my time and embarassed me and found nothing amiss.. just harassed me “ and then I stalked off.. about ten feet away.. to stand in the sudden downpour and await my lyft. Chinga tu madre! No mas por for fucking vor!!

If anyone by any chance wants to make a one time tribute or pledge to me.. you don’t have to join.. use those links .. this is what I’ve been reduced to depending on to climb out of the hole, my fingernails bloodied and pregnant with fetid earth.. or there’s this cash app thing

My site



I doubt anything so not gonna bother with pp or the square I got in excitement after getting my business license.. well fuck, chuck. Happy Saturday all! 🙂

Life is like a..


You can do that for yourself or if something happens when I go to the store I don’t have internet access anymore I can’t do anything but I’m just trying to figure out how to make it work lol I have a few monster problems to get caught up on and sort out in the light.. they are already lame but need tamed sorted and named. Everything changes, but remains the same . These monstrosities done to me in my name ..don’t slip by my oblivious eye.. going to return some fame.. going to uncover who’s EXACTLY to blame ..

Aaron Will What?

Instead of making love we play head games and I can’t take it anymore

My life is pockets of sorrow slapping against and aggravating one another . Tomorrow will only hold the promise of new ways to torture me I’ve yet undiscovered . First only a little lie and then another and another .. spiraling into a avalanche launching of the forked tongue of a lover undercover. Head games I hate them , feasible only to those who feel they are powerless… trick you confuse you boosts their aberrant prowess. I am ten times smarter.. nevertheless all of my mental capacity is useless when I’m up against foes masked as friends .. and idiot savants who can’t spell fart but can hack your whole home and turn your life into a horrible nightmare of redundant idiotic situations and miscreant idiots who will torture you to death for love of a measly 20,000$ . The person who collected and distributed those idiots upon you though.. that the man to get . He has spent years tending your garden to sow his own regrets

Head Games

𝓘 𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓱𝓽 𝓪𝓫𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓴𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓪𝓫𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝓲𝓽; 𝓫𝓾𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓱𝓽 𝓫𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓸𝓯 𝓲𝓽. 𝓘 𝓯𝓲𝓰𝓾𝓻𝓮𝓭 𝓘𝓭 𝓮𝓲𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻 𝓭𝓸 𝓲𝓽 𝓼𝓹𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓪𝓷𝓮𝓸𝓾𝓼𝓵𝔂 𝓸𝓻 𝓯𝓸𝓻𝓰𝓮𝓽 𝓪𝓫𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝓲𝓽.. 𝓑𝓾𝓽 𝓲 𝔀𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓭𝔀𝓮𝓵𝓵 𝓸𝓷 𝓲𝓽 ,, 𝓽𝓸 𝓱𝓮𝓵𝓵 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓲𝓽
. 𝓢𝓸 𝓶𝓪𝓷𝔂 𝓽𝓲𝓶𝓮𝓼 𝔀𝓮 𝓹𝓸𝓲𝓼𝓸𝓷 𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓸𝔀𝓷 𝓫𝓮𝔀𝓲𝓵𝓭𝓮𝓻𝓮𝓭 𝓶𝓲𝓷𝓭𝓼. 𝓟𝓮𝓪𝓬𝓮 𝓸𝓯 𝓶𝓲𝓷𝓭 𝓲𝓼 𝓱𝓪𝓻𝓭 𝓽𝓸 𝓯𝓲𝓷𝓭 . 𝓘𝓽𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓲 𝓵𝓸𝓼𝓽 𝓲𝓽; 𝓲𝓽 𝔀𝓪𝓼 𝓷𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻 𝓶𝓲𝓷𝓮 ! 𝓘 𝔀𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓼𝓪𝔂 𝓱𝓮𝓵𝓵 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓲𝓽; 𝓲𝓿𝓮 𝓭𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝓲𝓽 𝓪𝓵𝓵 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓽𝓲𝓶𝓮! 𝓑𝓾𝓽 𝓪𝓵𝓪𝓼 𝓲𝓽 𝓼𝓮𝓮𝓶𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓹𝓮𝓪𝓬𝓮 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓮𝓵𝓾𝓼𝓲𝓿𝓮 𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓹𝓲𝓷𝓮𝓼𝓼 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓿𝓲𝓵𝔂 𝓮𝓷𝓽𝔀𝓲𝓷𝓮𝓭. 𝓐𝓼 𝔀𝓮𝓵𝓵 𝓪𝓼 𝓲𝓶 𝓸𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓳𝓸𝓾𝓻𝓷𝓻𝔂 𝓸𝓯 𝓭𝓲𝓼𝓿𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓻𝔂, 𝓲𝓶 𝓰𝓸𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓽𝓸 𝓼𝓮𝓮𝓴 𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓭𝓲𝓿𝓲𝓷𝓮…

South Side

Today I have a lighter day.. still a lot of computer work to do (and no computer ) but I’m doing it house sitting today on the south side for my friend chuck ! His house is small, clean, comfy and quiet ! That’s most desireable to me right now! I wish people would quit their shit. I know it’s you and what you’re doing and I’m still talking to you so go to confession n get it off your chest.. and off my private lid

I’ve been fed lies for years. Fed lies, satiated off lies , drunk off lies. Swimming in lies, drowning in lies, eating them, fucking them. Sleeping with them, missing them, making plans with them. Donating money to them.

I’ve spent two years waiting on a lie to come home. Unlike ET Lies no longer phone home. Finally lies left me all alone. Except on the internet.. I was still harassed and made an target of head games. I knew I was in a container( after awhile) and it was all written for me.. so. Didn’t trip when I seen everyone posting on twitter seemed to be talking about me.. but I thought.. man whoever this person/people are they know ALOT about me (&historically) and they hate me, probably all women. I couldn’t believe I had a stalker!!

Read between the lies

Sex so good you let them lie to you.. I guess I did that in the past( or that’s how I perceived/believed it at the time…)

But put up with someone trying to frame you n sabotage you in so many ways while secretly laughing at you, robbing you and scamming you at the same time for some weird, sometimes degrading, mediocre ass sex sprinkled through with random bouts of “exorcist ” style mania? Oh and a thief and liar? Uh no.. FUCK OFF FOREVER!! Get the F out of here!!


I at long last met an ethical hacker who can help me with my stalker/hacker problem. He’s a local member of the club “ anonymous” .. First time and God knows how long I finally meet someone who is it and direct affiliate of all of those fucking twack hackers.. Only I mean everybody I met for the past year was all affiliated the last person they would come in and continue to do the work the other one left off when I got mad and kick them out realizing that they were the same old shit .. they are not my friend or whatever .. wasn’t there because They needed help! Wizard of Oz smoke and mirrors boss to kick rocks and try to do the right thing.. would none of them did so I suggested it to one of them and she pretended to do so for about two days. I hear nowadays she’s hacking my adult look at add. Fuckng slme bag.. Escoria de la vida…. New motto is next time you want to help somebody maybe help yourself I remember some people are where they at because that’s where God stuck them!

Romeo Dies At The End

I was always the hot girl, the cheerleader.. the popular one . All the men wanted me .. the real ones with jobs and cars . So I did not notice when the new group I was surrounded in would give me double meaning comliments.. or leave me rude jokes or make sarcastic comments. I did notice everyone was taking advantage of my. Niceness and generosity with money. And then my things started to disappear and scary things started to happen…

This top video is on a playlist making fun of me on my special, hacked by programmers you tube. These days most the songs mostly about killing a girl, hate, devil stuff. Geez.. why me?

Freak like me